Hard Desicion

So my mom called me last night letting me know what time they would be going to the jail to visit my brother. He's currently serving 60 days for DUI. She told me they would get there super early to allow me to be able to go see him before I get to work. So I said ok. Then we make plans after that for lunch. I would meet them at Dennys. After I got off the phone with her something just didnt feel right. I think they only allow one person in at a time to speak to inmates when they have visitors....what in the world would I even talk to him about? "Hey...so...hows the food?" Um...can we say awkward? So here I am sitting....thinking about how awkward this is going to be. ANd then I have my husband next to me voicing his opinions on the whole situation...which is kinda harsh....yet I kind of agree with him. Saying that he made some really stupid choices and could have potentially killed someone or himself and he deserves to be in jail, alone, to think about what he's done. He's totally right.

Yet, why am I still struggling with this? So I called my mom back and told her that I wouldnt be comeing with them to visit....I know from the sound of her voice that she couldnt comprehend why in the world I wouldnt want to go see my little brother. ANd thats not it. Thats the thing....I do want to see him....but, not under those circumstances. So I sat there on the phone with her trying not to cry, fumbling for words on how to explain myself even though I know she wouldnt understand. And why I am I trying not to cry....I have no clue....its an upsetting situation because by no means do I want to hurt my brothers feelings and him not think I dont love him. Yet, I need to stand by my beliefs in that I dont think what he did was right, so I am not going to go show my support of that by visiting him and making him think that I think what he did was ok. He really needs to sit in there and think about what he did and how he is going to turn his life around and grow up and make something of himself. He's almost 26 years old and still acts like he is 18. He needs to understand that his partying days are over and he needs to start making a productive life for himself. But in all honesty....I dont think this is going to do it. But one can hope right?

So here is sit....still worried if I did the right thing or not....trying really hard not to feel bad for not going to see him and only hoping that my family can see and understand my reasons for doing so. I am not mean or cold-hearted. I guess you could call it tough love. Praying everyday that he changes his ways and makes a better life for himself.