Hard Desicion

So my mom called me last night letting me know what time they would be going to the jail to visit my brother. He's currently serving 60 days for DUI. She told me they would get there super early to allow me to be able to go see him before I get to work. So I said ok. Then we make plans after that for lunch. I would meet them at Dennys. After I got off the phone with her something just didnt feel right. I think they only allow one person in at a time to speak to inmates when they have visitors....what in the world would I even talk to him about? "Hey...so...hows the food?" Um...can we say awkward? So here I am sitting....thinking about how awkward this is going to be. ANd then I have my husband next to me voicing his opinions on the whole situation...which is kinda harsh....yet I kind of agree with him. Saying that he made some really stupid choices and could have potentially killed someone or himself and he deserves to be in jail, alone, to think about what he's done. He's totally right.

Yet, why am I still struggling with this? So I called my mom back and told her that I wouldnt be comeing with them to visit....I know from the sound of her voice that she couldnt comprehend why in the world I wouldnt want to go see my little brother. ANd thats not it. Thats the thing....I do want to see him....but, not under those circumstances. So I sat there on the phone with her trying not to cry, fumbling for words on how to explain myself even though I know she wouldnt understand. And why I am I trying not to cry....I have no clue....its an upsetting situation because by no means do I want to hurt my brothers feelings and him not think I dont love him. Yet, I need to stand by my beliefs in that I dont think what he did was right, so I am not going to go show my support of that by visiting him and making him think that I think what he did was ok. He really needs to sit in there and think about what he did and how he is going to turn his life around and grow up and make something of himself. He's almost 26 years old and still acts like he is 18. He needs to understand that his partying days are over and he needs to start making a productive life for himself. But in all honesty....I dont think this is going to do it. But one can hope right?

So here is sit....still worried if I did the right thing or not....trying really hard not to feel bad for not going to see him and only hoping that my family can see and understand my reasons for doing so. I am not mean or cold-hearted. I guess you could call it tough love. Praying everyday that he changes his ways and makes a better life for himself.

Lost without a Best

As a child I had many friends and a few best friends. As I grow older, I am realizing that obtaining and keeping a best friend is very hard. In fact, sometimes I don't even think I have one anymore. And, although I adore my husband and he is my number one confidant, it just isn't the same. He is not someone I can have a girls day with....get my hair and nails done...shop...those sorts of things. Sometimes we really just need that same sex companionship. Someone we can totally trust not to judge us when we tell them our deepest secrets and thoughts.

Right now I have an internal conflict with who my best friend really is at the moment, or if I even have one. There are two people in my life that are females that I really enjoy spending time with, but they both live a ways away from me and I am pretty sure one already has a best friend ( and I don't dare interfere, but just wish I had that relationship sometimes). The other I have a lot of history with....but I feel that since she left years ago for the Coast Guard...our lives have grown significantly apart. She now has a child and has matured in ways that I never will until I have a child of my own. She still strives to have that close relationship with me sometimes, and we will plan to try to do something fun....but most of the time...our now separate lives usually get in the way. Ah...the joy of growing up and gaining responsibilities. Oh how I wish we could live closer and become close again. She really was the one person that truly understood me and I couldn't ask for a better person that likes the same things that I do. People watching at Denny's being one of our most favorite past times. :D

So....here I am with this conflict of what to do, or if I should do anything at all. Maybe I should just trust that God will handle this conflict, and that I should try to strengthen both the relationships that I have been blessed with to the best of my ability and be grateful that they both are part of my life.

The present comsumption of my thoughts

So I have a confession to make. I personally don’t think this is a bad thing….but my husband thinks I am completely nuts. At night when I don’t have anything to do….let me rephrase this…when I have decided that I need an evening of “me time” I get on you tube and look up videos on rides at Disneyland. Ok…you can stop laughing now. ;)

Mandi, Jason, Brandon and I have decided to embark on a mini vacation to sunny southern California to go to Disneyland and California Adventure for 4 days in April. I CANT WAIT!! I am really very excited about this. I was born and raised in California for 16 years….so you would think Disneyland would be old news to me….nope, love it! Been there about 5 times and still think it’s the greatest place ever. My time there is never long enough and I try to savor every minute I am there….but it just doesn’t seem to last very long. So you can imagine how excited I am to share this experience with my husband and our family. (Family being Mandi and Jason J)

It took quite some maneuvering but we seemed to manage a date that wasn’t wayyyy out in the far future like October or November. We moved around schedules and made it work. I am very grateful for this. Oh…did I mention this was a Christmas present from my wonderful husband?? Gosh I LOVE him!! We won’t have much money to go with…but I think the memories and pictures far outweigh being able to buy useless souvenirs that will sit on shelves and collect dust. And we have decided ( I think) on a great hotel that has a kitchenette and full sized appliances in each room, so we should save money on food….and be able to eat healthy still.

We will be leaving on a Thursday and returning on a Monday. Should be plenty of time to see both parks and maybe even ride some favorite rides over again. J Some of my favorites are The Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain….and I kinda like the Tiki Room too…as corny as that sounds. I once went with one of my cousins and we tried to ride every ride in the park in one day….we almost made it. And I found out I like some of the rides that I wouldn’t think I would. Even the Alice in Wonderland and Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride are pretty neat.

So, needless to say….I am really looking forward to getting away from my everyday life and adding some magic to my life for 4 days and enjoying the company of great friends that we really enjoy the company of!

Hmmm....

Not sure about this blogging thing....but I figure, why not give it a try? Should I consider it like a journal or diary of some sort, or perhaps not as personal because everyone can see my thoughts? Maybe some would be offended by my thoughts....I have been told that somethings should just go unsaid, but then I have also been taught to speak my mind that it make us who we are. So...which is correct? Where does one draw the line as to what would offend one person as opposed to another? These are questions that go unanswered in my head. And maybe that offended person needs to hear what was said so they know that they have crossed your line.

But then again, these are just my opinions and thoughts. I have been told a few times that my opinions shouldn't be said or are irrelevant, but I am kinda offended by that. Why can I not voice my opinions? Again, we are back at the question.... who is offended by what I say?

There are definately different personalities in this world. And there are some I get along with and some I dont. I just choose not to associate with the ones I dont get along with. You do your thing and I will do mine.....but dont try to make me like your thing.

So, here I sit....wondering what to blog about and where to draw my opinionated line......